#MeToo
Ever since the #MeToo movement began, more and more women have courageously spoken about their experiences of having been sexually assaulted. Women of all ages, races, and background have described experiences of sexual harassment in the work place, molestation by teachers, coaches and doctors, rape, and other forms of sexual violence. With the increase in awareness there has also been a spread of false information about sexual assault, which oftentimes contributes to victim blaming and enabling of assailants.
According to the National Sexual Violence Research Center, nearly 1 in 5 women (18.3%) in the United States have reported being raped at some point in their lifetime, and 27.2% (over a quarter of the female population) of women have experienced some form of unwanted sexual contact. Sexual assault must be taken seriously, perpetrators must be held accountable, and survivors are entitled to validation and help. Let us start by debunking some myths!
If a Women Reports an Assault Years After it Occurred, she Must be Lying
Most survivors of sexual assault do not come forward immediately and some may never report the assault. There are a number of reasons for this. For one, women who come forward are often the target of hate, suspicion, and face being put through a legal system that may or not bring them justice. Some may be afraid that they will be told that it was their fault for being assaulted, being told that they should not have been at a certain place, should not have worn certain clothes, should not have been drinking or taking, drugs, should not have accepted a drink from someone, or even told that they gave their assailant mixed messages.
Secondly, if the assailant was a person that the survivor knew, it could take years for the survivor to even recognize that the assault was an assault. It is hard to wrap one's mind around the reality that someone that you trusted could have violated you in this way. It is a very painful realization to come to terms with and therefore it can feel protective to the survivor to push it out of her mind.
Some survivors blame themselves because of the messages that they have heard within our society. If a woman grows up hearing her family saying that a survivor of assault "asked for it" for being at an "inappropriate place" or wearing "inappropriate clothes" then she may feel like it is her fault that she was assaulted.
She Must Be Lying Because Her Story Does Not Add Up
Sexual assaults are traumatic experiences and our brain's response to trauma is often to dissociate. This means that while a person is experiencing a traumatic situation, the part of their brain that would normally attend to information and then store it, is compromised. The emotional reaction of the trauma is too intense and therefore a person can almost go into a state of being outside of their body rather than being in their body and aware of what is happening to them. This can obviously impair the survivor's memory and create holes in the recollection of the event. Certain specific things about the trauma may stand out, such as the color of a rug or a particular smell. The memory of the event can be encoded in this choppy kind of manner, and the order of things may not be recalled always. The bits of information the survivor remembers is usually accurate, but when the survivor is asked by law enforcement what happened, she is expected to provide a linear account of the trauma, which is often not possible. Lastly, some women may be intoxicated or drugged when assaulted, which can also impact their memory.
She Does Not Seem Distraught
People often expect survivors of sexual assault to behave in a particular way, usually to be distraught and not functioning. When survivors of sexual assault appear to be functioning well, such as attending school, working, or even dating, they can be accused of lying about the assault. However, there is no one response to sexual assault. Some women indeed become extremely depressed and even suicidal or unable to get out of bed. Other women may become impulsive and reckless, and engaging in behaviors that could be harmful like using drugs. Some women may appear to be doing fine externally, going about their daily responsibilities, but could be having nightmares, flashbacks, and severe anxiety that others do not see. There is no one correct reaction to sexual assault.
It was Consensual Because She Did Not Fight Back
This is one of the oldest myths about sexual assault and there are many obvious reasons why this is an extremely problematic myth. Oftentimes a woman does not even have an opportunity to fight back. Some women may be drugged or intoxicated when they are assaulted. Other women may have been attacked in a way that they were incapacitated, held at knife or gun point, or attacked by more than one assailant. Women may be terrified that if they fight back they will be killed and some are threatened with murder point blank.
Survivors of Sexual Assault Usually Do Not Know the Assailant
Actually the majority of sexual assaults are committed by someone that the survivor knows. Assailants are typically, romantic partners, acquaintances, people in your friend group, teachers, coaches, doctors, and professional colleagues of some sort. According to Georgetown Law School, FBI data shows that 70% of sexual assault reported to law enforcement occurred in the survivor's place of residence.
Survivors of Sexual Assault Do Not Need Help
Survivors of sexual assault are likely to feel completely alone emotionally, may be experiencing debilitating anxiety, poor sleep, flashbacks, may be depressed, suicidal, or may feel unable to function in daily life. Not only do survivors of assault need medical attention after the assault, but they need a large support group and a mental health professional to assess for suicidal thoughts and to help them work through the trauma. There is a lot of help available aside from individual mental health professionals, there are peer support groups, survivor or sexual assault support groups, and advocacy groups that may provide the survivor with a sense of validation.
If you or a loved one is struggling to cope with the trauma of a sexual assault or any difficult feelings or struggles, feel free to reach out for a consultation. If you have general questions about therapy, you may find the FAQ page on my website www.GreenTPsychology.com useful.